The Super Bowl is as mainstream America as an apple pie filled with mini U.S. flags and red Solo cups, so what is an alternative-type person to do at an upcoming super football party if he wants to keep it real?
Represent.
The pull to party with the people you love is too strong to simply skip the game. But just because you’re watching a brutal sport that enforces gender stereotypes, corporate welfare, and class division doesn’t mean you have to be on board with everything the Super Bowl stands for — both overtly and covertly.
The following is a list of ways you can have an alty-good time at a Super Bowl party:
> Bring enough Kombucha for everyone (The funky fermented soda-like drink aids digestion and gut health, so you’re welcome heartburn sufferers.)
> Start a drinking game that relies on the people in the room instead of the Super Bowl — like every time someone yells at the ref everyone has to drink.
>Wear a “Pigskin is Murder” T-shirt instead of a football jersey.
>Don’t let people forget that Pats QB Tom Brady is friends with Trump (our longstanding crush on the sexiest man in football has died.)
> Mute the commercials. Madison Avenue can’t pack their BS in this head.
> Bring up how little the cheerleaders make. (Despite the NFL being a $12-$13 billion dollar a year industry, a number of cheerleaders fight court battles to earn minimum wage.)
> Play Taboo during the game.
> Bring craft beer.
> Serve a locally-sourced, vegan nacho platter.
> Watch Animal Planet’s Kitty Halftime Show instead of Lady Gaga and (judging by past shows) however many other musicians the NFL can cram on a stage burning with pyrotechnics. (Like Gaga can top Prince’s performance in 2007 anyway. Best. Super Bowl Halftime Show. Ever.)
