It’s cold and the icy, black slush is up to your knees. The wind rips across the thick white fields of snow, stabbing tiny icicles through your coat. Breath in and the hairs in your nose freeze. This is February and it’s lovely.
Bye, Bye Resolutions
By the time February rolls around, no one really cares much about most things. It’s far from the beginning of Winter so the excitement of snow is gone, and it’s far enough from Spring that people are still pessimistic about the weather. It’s post Christmas and New Years. The Super Bowl is a big event but only fans of one team will really end the football season happy. It’s in the midst of all this disappointment that one is able to slyly give up on their New Years resolutions unnoticed. By the time February is in full swing, you can stop telling your friends you plan to start working out soon or that you’re about to start a new diet. February is the time where the real, beautifully shameless you comes back into play. For those who stuck to their resolutions … bleh. I’ll premier my beach body in 2018.
And Speaking About that “Diet,” Welcome the February Five!
February is no time to skip dessert; we live in New England, it’s cold. February is a time to look at those extra few pounds you picked up over the December holiday feasts and Valentine’s Day chocolate splurge and say, “Thank you, muffin top, for that extra layer of warmth. I really need it now that you’re peeking out from under my sweaters so much.” Buy a couple more undershirts and settle onto the couch with the other half of that box of V-Day chocolates and a good book. Let it snow.
Black History Month
Black history month is awesome because without it there would be virtually no reminder to the U.S. that black people largely built this nation. It’s easy to forget — it’s even hard for some to believe — because black people were legally considered property or second class citizens up until 1964, the history books are scant on their contributions to society. Black history month — the shortest month of the year because that’s how deep this shit runs — is a time for everyone to remember to celebrate black art, music, philosophy, culture, and accomplishments. And this year, more than most, it’s especially important to celebrate the Civil Rights movement and how black people came together, are still coming together, to organize for change.
Making fun of Valentine’s Day
Every time this dreaded holiday rolls around, I can’t step inside a CVS to pick up basic, life-saving essentials without being smacked by an avalanche of bright balloons, dyed candy, crates of crappy Jennifer Aniston DVDs, and greeting cards covered with grimacing babies who fly around with bows and arrows, impaling hearts. Dismembered chest organs may be Cupid’s target of choice this month, but the only thing inside me that’s punctured by all this gimmickry is the will to get through another day. I can’t keep making a pretend-happy march through this pink-red miasma of refined sugar and commercialized kindness without wanting wanting to blind myself. I know I’m not the only one out there willing to stand up for what’s decent. So if you’re scrounging around for some cosmic meaning this month, build some unity with your fellow Valentine’s sufferers. Seek out those similarly allergic to plush bears with squeezable voice boxes and little chalkboard-tasting hearts. Shore yourself up with snark, and go poke holes in some proverbial balloons. Sometimes the best way to weather oppressive happiness is to keep it dark and stormy.
It’s already half over
The very best thing about February? It’s short. This issue hits stands on Feb. 16, which leaves you with a mere 13 days before March comes rushing in like a lion to save the year from chilly, gray, overcast oblivion. That’s a mere blip of time, all things considered, but it’s just enough time to plan a string of fun daily activities to help you through. Watch a corny but wonderful winter sports movie, like Ski Patrol or Cool Runnings. Get creative and design some homicidal psycho snowmen for your neighbor’s yard, a la Calvin & Hobbes. Bust out all the winter quilts for a sleepover. Befriend some Canadians for a rousing game of curling. Eat a Herrell’s Ice Cream sundae in a blizzard to show how metal you are. The more you do to help time fly, the sooner you’ll be back in your sandals.
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