We’re off to a strong start with our MaximBet picks, nailing both the lock and upset of the week in an NFL Week 1 filled with insane endings, shocking plays and more missed kicks than Conor McGregor’s last UFC fight.
This is no time to celebrate. We’ve got 17 more weeks of regular season football and the odds, lines and totals courtesy of MaximBet to make some serious bank while filling our faces with cheap pizza, our favorite wing flavors and league-approved alcoholic beverages.
Lock of the Week
New York Jets at Cleveland Browns (-5.5)
Here’s one thing we know: The New York Jets are bad. How bad? There’s no way to tell at this point. Zach Wilson is still out with a bum knee blowing up your mom’s DMs. Joe Flacco is starting, collecting a paycheck and just happy to still be filling up his $174 million Scrooge McDuck money bin. They’re playing the Cleveland Browns, the league’s current “black hat” team thanks to their fanbase and team ownership embracing Deshaun Watson like he paid them a court determined amount of cash to do it.
But, as we discussed last week, karma does not exist in the NFL. It was smothered in its sleep by Tom Brady and Bill Belichick two decades ago and Roger Goodell destroyed the videotaped evidence. While Watson isn’t playing, Jacoby Brissett is and the Browns, at least in this game, will be more than fine and that line is a gift.
Take the Browns at -5.5.
Worst Games of the Week
Carolina Panthers at New York Giants (-2.5)
Washington Commanders at Detroit Lions (-1.5)
The Panthers already had the worst roster in football when they decided to add Baker Mayfield to it in a trade from the aforementioned Browns. I’m not sure that move improved the team at all, but it did make them easier to root against. The Giants just experienced their biggest win of the last few seasons, thoroughly shaming the Tennessee Titans in a way you normally can only by experience by answering a Craigslist ad with a burner phone.
The Commanders and Lions boast a battle of the 2016 quarterback class. Jared Goff was taken No. 1 overall by the Los Angeles Rams. Carson Wentz was taken at No. 2 by the Philadelphia Eagles. Both men played on Super Bowl contending teams that won Vince Lombardi Trophies without them. Which is why both QBs were dumped faster than a supermodel when Leonardo DiCaprio walks in on her surprise 25th birthday party.
Take the Giants at -2.5 and/or the Lions at -1.5.
A Shocking Upset of the New England Patriots
Bill Belichick has built up a lot of leeway with the New England Patriots. Winning six Super Bowls will buy you some goodwill. He’s going to need it. The 2022 Pats boast one of the worst coaching staffs not only in the NFL, but maybe on planet Earth. And while the Uzbekistan Fighting Sand Cats might be new to the sport of American football, they have not been cursed with hiring not one, but two Belichick spawn on their coaching staff.
In addition to the Steve and Brian Belichick problem on defense, Bill has brought in the brain trust of Matt Patricia and Joe Judge to run his offense. So far, it’s looked exactly how you’d expect and the Super Genius can’t do anything about it. If he decided to clean house and fire his worst assistant coaches, they’ll just have to move back in with him and, trust me, nobody wants to share a bathroom with Steve Belichick on purpose.
It’s going to be a long season in New England and there are plenty of us that have been eager to watch this franchise fall back to Earth harder than Matt Patricia stepping on a banana peel.
And here’s an added fun fact for you — Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin has never had a losing season in his entire 16-year career. Belichick has suffered through five, all without Tom Brady as his QB. It’s about to be six.
Take the Steelers at +1.5.
Drop $10 on a Four-Team Parlay
Wontcha picture life as my wife, just think. Full length mink, fat X and O links. Bracelets to match, conversation was all that. Showed you the safe combinations because we needed a place to put all this money we won from this nice little four-game parlay.
With one upset already called, we can take that Steelers moneyline (+105) and start building something special with it. We got so close last week, with only the Jacksonville Jaguars letting us down in the final seconds. But we are not deterred.
We’ll count on the teams that nearly got us there last week, taking the Minnesota Vikings (+105) to shock the Philadelphia Eagles and we’re going to keep betting against the San Francisco 49ers until they knock Jimmy Garoppolo off his Raya dating app and bench Trey Lance. We’re taking the shockingly spry Seattle Seahawks (+340).
Lastly, we’re looking at the New Orleans Saints (+120) to upset the Tampa Bay Buccaneers because that’s literally all they’ve done for the last two regular seasons. The Saints are basically a Krispy Kreme donut to Tom Brady. His body just can’t deal with them.
A $10 winning parlay bet on these four moneylines pays $396.
Adam Greene is @TheFirstMan on Twitter.
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